Like many of you, I watched both the Republican and Democratic National Conventions on the edge of my bed, and sometimes even next to my favorite empty chair with complete anticipation.
I can't remember the last time I was so excited to watch television night after night, and for hours on end, as I fell asleep to one cable station or another with my remote ending up in very strange places when I awoke.
What was happening to me?
My bedroom quickly became my dining room, office, kitchen, family room, and the only place where I wanted to be.
While I began with popcorn the first night and a newspaper on my lap; by the time Obama spoke I had a pot roast with potatoes and gravy; a dozen American history books and vintage Encyclopedia's strewn about; and the traces of my sanity . . . surely somewhere amongst my blankets and comforters.
As far as my boyfriend, who was he?
Merely a distraction to the hours of television I had planned to watch over the next two weeks.
"Don't you have any friends?" I asked him.
"I suppose there are some old girlfriends I could call," he answered.
"That sounds great," I said, not hearing a word while eating Doritos and listening to some country band singe about Romney.
And as I told my kids, "This is history and I don't want to miss a thing."
At least that's what I kept telling myself.
They looked at me as I am sure all your kids look at you, with a rolling of their eyes, and yet with a disturbed understanding that they should just let mom be.
And of course they were afraid I might make them also watch.
As a lifelong Democrat, I was most shocked and surprised that I was so engrossed in the Republican Convention, which I will admit was the first one I had ever witnessed in any form. Please don't tell my left-wing socialist university professor parents.
And it wasn't just that I wanted to see the GOP flail or make buffoons out of themselves; like Governor Chris Christie if I was forced to pick someone.
Or for that matter, during the Democratic Convention which I looked forward to catching a glimpse of President Bill Clinton who in my mind is still a bigger and hotter rock star than Mick Jagger, politically or otherwise.
Yes, I have clearly lost my mind.
What I have surmised after two of the greatest T.V. extravaganzas I have witnessed since the last season of "Dancing with the Stars" is that is was a genius production and beyond anything else I have ever seen. The Academy Awards has never even come close.
And of course, first . . . there was Clint Eastwood . . .
One of my most favorite Hollywood icons who delivered the most insane, surreal and weird impromptu performance I have ever witnessed as a human being.
Just to let you know, I have been having nightmares about empty chairs and none of them involve Pee Wee Herman who eventually always snuggled on, even though he did have a creepy voice..
As an obviously masochistic person, I even watched the movie "The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly" as it is one of my all-time favorite films, attempting to somehow make "Clint the man" I truly remembered in those classic Spaghetti Westerns, instead of the angry, senile, chrochety and foul-mouthed old man he has become.
And no Mr. Eastwood, "You did not make my day."
During the conventions, I was even thrilled to simply watch strangers in the crowd with their inappropriate reactions, super crazy hats, bored looks and frenzied expressions at exactly the wrong times.
Just who are they hiring to monitor those news cameras today anyway?
But it does make for great television.
Well, now that the Conventions of 2012 have left us to wallow in our own realities, what do they expect us to do?
Are we to simply rush home to CNN, MSNBC, FOX or whatever our drug of choice is to even attempt to get the same adrenaline rush we have had during the last two weeks?
I think not.
I have surmised that the only way to deal with the stress and withdrawals we are feeling at hand is to accept that our lives are actually quite dull, boring and in need of much more excitement and stimulation in any form that's available.
Here is a short list of what I might try as a start:
1) Visiting neighbor by neighbor and asking them if I can watch reruns of both Conventions with them
2) Going to the GoodWill and garage sales and hunting down more empty chairs that I can break apart with an chainsaw to the music of The Foo Fighters
3) Dressing in sexy clothes and pretending I am dancing for Bill, Barack, Biden, and yes, even David Gergen and John King. But not Wolf Blitzer.
As you may have deduced, I can officially be diagnosed with "Post Traumatic Convention Disorder."
But stand in line, I know I am not the only one.
I now await the first big debate in October between two, tall-ish, educated and successful men, although only one of them is bright.
I believe a Porterhouse steak and a bottle of the finest Cabernet is on order to be delivered straight to my bedroom.
See you then.
Published for Open Salon, Editor's Pick
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The First Lady brings Class back to Motherhood
As a mother of girls just like First Lady Michelle Obama, I have ignored the supposed "war on women", the "mommy wars" and any other trendy tactics used to divide women as I am far too busy being a mother to be bothered or distracted.
And evidently, so is our First Lady.
Like Michelle, the well-being of my daughters is my first priority. In her words, I am also "too tired to go out for dinner and see a movie on date night", whatever that is. I have long forgotten.
All mothers work, all mothers sacrifice, and all mothers know what it means to feel under-appreciated, and we're used to it.
But what we aren't used to is having our roles as mothers be so obscenely distorted and manipulated in a way that makes us feel less valued by society for our work.
While the women's movement involved fair debates about equal pay for equal work, taking time to work on careers, starting families later, and the right to our own bodies and livelihood; motherhood as its own valued commodity was never trudged upon and marginalized like it is today.
As a mom who has spoken to thousands of women throughout my lifetime, let me say with complete sincerity and impunity that we do not spend our time pointing fingers or making judgements about one another because we work or do not work outside of the home.
We also don't spend time fighting and criticizing one another about our core beliefs, intrinsic familial values, religious affiliations or whether or not one woman is better than another because she has chosen her own path.
However, we do engage in discussions about these issues, and most often with civility.
Insofar as the "mommy wars", this phrase was most surely invented by a man, as wars are not something women are known to either begin or be intimately persuaded by.
In a way, a society's most integral and inherently prized proof of its overall well-being and success is how it views and treats its families.
Every community knows this; every mother knows that the day-to-day responsibilities begin and end with her, and the moment we support cheering and infighting amongst women and mothers is the beginning of the end of a civil and revered society as we know it.
Seriously.
And no, I am trying to rouse up any troops to begin a war.
The factitious "war on women" is not a new doctrine, just a different animal this time around as politicians, political pundits, well-funded special interest groups and spin doctors attempt to make this a war that women are waging upon each other, which couldn't be farther than the truth.
Even feminists and the liberal-minded, which I have been accused of, have not used the the loaded phrase in the derogatory manner that many on the right are making it out to be. And as with many politically-charged, ideological platforms, this one has grown into a much different breed since its initial inception.
The result now is "the war on women" is now being used as a divisive weapon to distract women from the issues we most care about. These include namely, the economy, healthcare, our children, education and reproductive rights.
Fighting amongst each other is not even in the top 100 priorities for women, if one were to make such a list.
We are far too overtired, overworked and just trying to keep it all together to spend precious time worrying about what other women are doing and saying.
That's a fact. And only a woman knows just how true that is.
By the way, the term "working mother" is perhaps the most redundant phrase in the English language.
As the mother of three daughters, I attended college with the first, and worked different jobs both inside and out of the home with the younger two, but I have always made mothering my foremost priority.
This meant working while they were in school, completing assignments after they went to sleep, and not getting promotions because I attended too many softball games, ballet recitals, teacher conferences, and helped with book reports late into the night.
But I don't regret one moment.
The last time I saw one of my dearest friends, we didn't talk about our schedules or what hours we were putting in at work or home.
We talked about how we still dreamt about going away for that spa weekend we had talked about for 20 years. The conversation ended as always with, "Yes, one day", as we are both mothers and know we will just have to wait.
But we don't feel sorry for ourselves.
Last week one of my daughters interrupted an important discussion I was having on the phone. I wrote on a piece of paper "I am very busy, come back in 20 minutes."
It turned out that she wanted to ask me the definition of the word 'sacrifice' as "the dictionary does not explain it in a way I can truly grasp." Her words, not mine.
I told her the best way to understand the word would be for me to write it in a sentence so she could understand it's full scope and breadth.
The two sentences I wrote were:
1) Members of the military sacrifice their lives so that we may live in a country that is as free and safe as possible.
2) My grandfather did not finish grade school and sacrificed his education so that he could work hard to support his growing family and one day put them through school, which he did successfully.
I then asked my daughter to write her own sentence about sacrifice.
She wrote, "My mother sacrifices every day by being a good mommy and always putting me and my sisters first."
My response was, "Thank you honey. But being a mom is no sacrifice at all. It's what I do, it's what I love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world."
Mommy wars?
I don't think so.
Thank you Michelle Obama for bring class and dignity back to the forefront of Motherhood as we know it.
We are with you.
And evidently, so is our First Lady.
Like Michelle, the well-being of my daughters is my first priority. In her words, I am also "too tired to go out for dinner and see a movie on date night", whatever that is. I have long forgotten.
All mothers work, all mothers sacrifice, and all mothers know what it means to feel under-appreciated, and we're used to it.
But what we aren't used to is having our roles as mothers be so obscenely distorted and manipulated in a way that makes us feel less valued by society for our work.
While the women's movement involved fair debates about equal pay for equal work, taking time to work on careers, starting families later, and the right to our own bodies and livelihood; motherhood as its own valued commodity was never trudged upon and marginalized like it is today.
As a mom who has spoken to thousands of women throughout my lifetime, let me say with complete sincerity and impunity that we do not spend our time pointing fingers or making judgements about one another because we work or do not work outside of the home.
We also don't spend time fighting and criticizing one another about our core beliefs, intrinsic familial values, religious affiliations or whether or not one woman is better than another because she has chosen her own path.
However, we do engage in discussions about these issues, and most often with civility.
Insofar as the "mommy wars", this phrase was most surely invented by a man, as wars are not something women are known to either begin or be intimately persuaded by.
In a way, a society's most integral and inherently prized proof of its overall well-being and success is how it views and treats its families.
Every community knows this; every mother knows that the day-to-day responsibilities begin and end with her, and the moment we support cheering and infighting amongst women and mothers is the beginning of the end of a civil and revered society as we know it.
Seriously.
And no, I am trying to rouse up any troops to begin a war.
The factitious "war on women" is not a new doctrine, just a different animal this time around as politicians, political pundits, well-funded special interest groups and spin doctors attempt to make this a war that women are waging upon each other, which couldn't be farther than the truth.
Even feminists and the liberal-minded, which I have been accused of, have not used the the loaded phrase in the derogatory manner that many on the right are making it out to be. And as with many politically-charged, ideological platforms, this one has grown into a much different breed since its initial inception.
The result now is "the war on women" is now being used as a divisive weapon to distract women from the issues we most care about. These include namely, the economy, healthcare, our children, education and reproductive rights.
Fighting amongst each other is not even in the top 100 priorities for women, if one were to make such a list.
We are far too overtired, overworked and just trying to keep it all together to spend precious time worrying about what other women are doing and saying.
That's a fact. And only a woman knows just how true that is.
By the way, the term "working mother" is perhaps the most redundant phrase in the English language.
As the mother of three daughters, I attended college with the first, and worked different jobs both inside and out of the home with the younger two, but I have always made mothering my foremost priority.
This meant working while they were in school, completing assignments after they went to sleep, and not getting promotions because I attended too many softball games, ballet recitals, teacher conferences, and helped with book reports late into the night.
But I don't regret one moment.
The last time I saw one of my dearest friends, we didn't talk about our schedules or what hours we were putting in at work or home.
We talked about how we still dreamt about going away for that spa weekend we had talked about for 20 years. The conversation ended as always with, "Yes, one day", as we are both mothers and know we will just have to wait.
But we don't feel sorry for ourselves.
Last week one of my daughters interrupted an important discussion I was having on the phone. I wrote on a piece of paper "I am very busy, come back in 20 minutes."
It turned out that she wanted to ask me the definition of the word 'sacrifice' as "the dictionary does not explain it in a way I can truly grasp." Her words, not mine.
I told her the best way to understand the word would be for me to write it in a sentence so she could understand it's full scope and breadth.
The two sentences I wrote were:
1) Members of the military sacrifice their lives so that we may live in a country that is as free and safe as possible.
2) My grandfather did not finish grade school and sacrificed his education so that he could work hard to support his growing family and one day put them through school, which he did successfully.
I then asked my daughter to write her own sentence about sacrifice.
She wrote, "My mother sacrifices every day by being a good mommy and always putting me and my sisters first."
My response was, "Thank you honey. But being a mom is no sacrifice at all. It's what I do, it's what I love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world."
Mommy wars?
I don't think so.
Thank you Michelle Obama for bring class and dignity back to the forefront of Motherhood as we know it.
We are with you.
Why our Kids don't care About the Election
Our children are watching everything that is going on and they are not impressed in the least. Worse than that, they are disgusted with a lot of adults and completely uninterested in the 2012 presidential election.
You say you don't care? Well you should.
One of my daughters said she couldn't tell whether or not it was a Democrat or Republican speaking on T.V. because they all sounded the same.
"And why are they all so mean about each other?" she asked.
Out of the mouths of babes I thought.
My other daughter asked what makes Democrats and Republicans different from each other and how we know when a politician is lying. Another question only a child could have the sincerity and courage to ask.
As sappy as it sounds, 'children are our future' and what they think about us does matter, not just for their own sake, but for our well-being as well.
Don't forget the American population is aging at top speed and that it is our children and their friends who will be deciding where and how all of us will be cared for later in life.
What a scary thought that is.
During the 1960's and '70's, many young people were passionate about valid social issues and spent much of their time protesting against things they did not believe in, and marching for things that they did.
I remember my father coming home from long days as a University professor and sitting me and my siblings down in front of our boxy black and white television to watch Walter Cronkite's coverage of the Vietnam war, Watergate, the Women's movement, the Civil rights movement and countless other stories that he thought we should see.
Cronkite's nightly sign-off "And that's the way it was" still rings loud and sentimental in my ears and memory, while I recall the days when families experienced life together in a well intentioned and tangible way.
While I didn't understand most of what I saw as a child, the fact that my father thought some issues were integral enough to pay attention to gave me a role model to look up to.
Even more than the specific and dire issues themselves, it was the fact that we had a parent who cared enough about what was going on in the world and took the time and effort to shared both his wisdom and his passion.
I remember landmark moments in history that we talked about at the dinner table where we shared meals each night as a family; in our own neighborhoods where we felt a sense of community; and with anyone else at all who cared enough to discuss them.
Yes, "That's the way it was."
In no way am I making a sweeping judgement about our youth a whole, but rather making the point that to ignore the emotional health, general malaise and political dispassion of our young people would be to disservice them even further.
Today, it is difficult enough to get some kids to stop texting long enough to explain to them why college will give them a head start, let alone about what each political party plans to do about healthcare and the economy.
Besides, kids know that we don't even understand what politicians will really do for us if elected.
And that is our fault, not theirs.
We can go ahead and tell our children all we want to about what they should care about and do, but if we don't even take the time to learn about what our own political leaders are talking about and stand for, then we can't expect our kids to care.
Can you blame them?
Teenagers and younger kids have been suckled and undernourished on an Internet culture which they view as their very own and have more creative ways to navigate than any of us adults can begin to venture upon.
Their leaders are the YouTube stars of the moment, their own IPhones, reality show buffoons like The Kardashians, billions of odd photos they send on Instagram to one another, Twitter, and any other pixelized entity that holds the most shock value for the moment.
And while many of us grew up on songs and anthems that had 'peace and love' and 'anti-war lyrics, many kids today are listening to music laden with messages filled with political disinterest, depression, anger, self-hate and a general loathing for what they see as a world they don't want to grow up to be in.
But the kids are our responsibility, just as we will become theirs when we can no longer take care of ourselves.
As for my own children, I can begin by tuning more into their lives, sharing meals with them and having something we used to call "conversations" as we all tune out of our cell phones, computers and cable television shows during dinner.
That's right, we will all actually be able to talk and hear what each other is saying, and for more than five minutes at a time.
I'll let you know what happens.
*Originally published for Open Salon as Editor's Pick
*Republished on The Chicago Sun Times Op Ed section
You say you don't care? Well you should.
One of my daughters said she couldn't tell whether or not it was a Democrat or Republican speaking on T.V. because they all sounded the same.
"And why are they all so mean about each other?" she asked.
Out of the mouths of babes I thought.
My other daughter asked what makes Democrats and Republicans different from each other and how we know when a politician is lying. Another question only a child could have the sincerity and courage to ask.
As sappy as it sounds, 'children are our future' and what they think about us does matter, not just for their own sake, but for our well-being as well.
Don't forget the American population is aging at top speed and that it is our children and their friends who will be deciding where and how all of us will be cared for later in life.
What a scary thought that is.
During the 1960's and '70's, many young people were passionate about valid social issues and spent much of their time protesting against things they did not believe in, and marching for things that they did.
I remember my father coming home from long days as a University professor and sitting me and my siblings down in front of our boxy black and white television to watch Walter Cronkite's coverage of the Vietnam war, Watergate, the Women's movement, the Civil rights movement and countless other stories that he thought we should see.
Cronkite's nightly sign-off "And that's the way it was" still rings loud and sentimental in my ears and memory, while I recall the days when families experienced life together in a well intentioned and tangible way.
While I didn't understand most of what I saw as a child, the fact that my father thought some issues were integral enough to pay attention to gave me a role model to look up to.
Even more than the specific and dire issues themselves, it was the fact that we had a parent who cared enough about what was going on in the world and took the time and effort to shared both his wisdom and his passion.
I remember landmark moments in history that we talked about at the dinner table where we shared meals each night as a family; in our own neighborhoods where we felt a sense of community; and with anyone else at all who cared enough to discuss them.
Yes, "That's the way it was."
In no way am I making a sweeping judgement about our youth a whole, but rather making the point that to ignore the emotional health, general malaise and political dispassion of our young people would be to disservice them even further.
Today, it is difficult enough to get some kids to stop texting long enough to explain to them why college will give them a head start, let alone about what each political party plans to do about healthcare and the economy.
Besides, kids know that we don't even understand what politicians will really do for us if elected.
And that is our fault, not theirs.
We can go ahead and tell our children all we want to about what they should care about and do, but if we don't even take the time to learn about what our own political leaders are talking about and stand for, then we can't expect our kids to care.
Can you blame them?
Teenagers and younger kids have been suckled and undernourished on an Internet culture which they view as their very own and have more creative ways to navigate than any of us adults can begin to venture upon.
Their leaders are the YouTube stars of the moment, their own IPhones, reality show buffoons like The Kardashians, billions of odd photos they send on Instagram to one another, Twitter, and any other pixelized entity that holds the most shock value for the moment.
And while many of us grew up on songs and anthems that had 'peace and love' and 'anti-war lyrics, many kids today are listening to music laden with messages filled with political disinterest, depression, anger, self-hate and a general loathing for what they see as a world they don't want to grow up to be in.
But the kids are our responsibility, just as we will become theirs when we can no longer take care of ourselves.
As for my own children, I can begin by tuning more into their lives, sharing meals with them and having something we used to call "conversations" as we all tune out of our cell phones, computers and cable television shows during dinner.
That's right, we will all actually be able to talk and hear what each other is saying, and for more than five minutes at a time.
I'll let you know what happens.
*Originally published for Open Salon as Editor's Pick
*Republished on The Chicago Sun Times Op Ed section
20 Things I Plan to Do During Mitt Romney's Speech
I know that Romney's speech is an epic and important one to watch, but I have some more important and exciting things to do, so if you don't mind, I shall be going.
By the way, here is my list of what I'll be doing, and I'm just getting started.
1) Reorganizing my underwear drawer
2) Reorganizing my sister's underwear drawer
3) Chopping Raisins into even smaller pieces
4) Making my New Year's Resolutions for the years 2020 and 2030
5) Reading 'Mein Kempf' for the 87th time
6) Finally trying to figure out what training bras are actually for
7) Finding out who today's 'Baby Daddy' is on 'The Maury Povich Show'
8) Picking the lint off my boyfriend's socks piece by piece
9) Asking my mother how to properly wash my private parts
10) Ordering a Pastrami on white bread at my Jewish Deli
11) Watching Gold Medal Olympian Winner Bruce Jenner be further emasculated on the show 'The Karsdashians'
12) Call my ex husband and ask him to tell me again 'Why I will never be as wonderful as his mother'
13) Waiting in line at an un-air conditioned Post Office for an hour only to be told there are no stamps, and then told I am actually at a Free Clinic for people who think they are chickens
14) Having a Blind Date only to find out he is one of the 500 Romney sons, after which he hands me a pair of Khakis to wear that aren't even my size
15) Finding out that my brother is really my father, that father is actually my son, and that my mother is actually Ann Romney
16) Finally learning how to download my videos from my phone, only to find out they are not even funny enough to make a make a stoned teenager laugh
17) Watching the movie 'Deliverance' right before my first trip to the South
18) Volunteering for medical trials which involves my eyeballs, uterus and my spleen without being told what for
19) Taking part in the annual 'All You Can Eat' CornDog contest for which I would win 1,000 free corn dogs a week for the span of my lifetime
And last but not least . . .
(20) Going on a long vacation with my grown siblings, the Rabbi that married me and my ex-husband, any insurance salesman and Congressman Todd Akin
By the way, here is my list of what I'll be doing, and I'm just getting started.
1) Reorganizing my underwear drawer
2) Reorganizing my sister's underwear drawer
3) Chopping Raisins into even smaller pieces
4) Making my New Year's Resolutions for the years 2020 and 2030
5) Reading 'Mein Kempf' for the 87th time
6) Finally trying to figure out what training bras are actually for
7) Finding out who today's 'Baby Daddy' is on 'The Maury Povich Show'
8) Picking the lint off my boyfriend's socks piece by piece
9) Asking my mother how to properly wash my private parts
10) Ordering a Pastrami on white bread at my Jewish Deli
11) Watching Gold Medal Olympian Winner Bruce Jenner be further emasculated on the show 'The Karsdashians'
12) Call my ex husband and ask him to tell me again 'Why I will never be as wonderful as his mother'
13) Waiting in line at an un-air conditioned Post Office for an hour only to be told there are no stamps, and then told I am actually at a Free Clinic for people who think they are chickens
14) Having a Blind Date only to find out he is one of the 500 Romney sons, after which he hands me a pair of Khakis to wear that aren't even my size
15) Finding out that my brother is really my father, that father is actually my son, and that my mother is actually Ann Romney
16) Finally learning how to download my videos from my phone, only to find out they are not even funny enough to make a make a stoned teenager laugh
17) Watching the movie 'Deliverance' right before my first trip to the South
18) Volunteering for medical trials which involves my eyeballs, uterus and my spleen without being told what for
19) Taking part in the annual 'All You Can Eat' CornDog contest for which I would win 1,000 free corn dogs a week for the span of my lifetime
And last but not least . . .
(20) Going on a long vacation with my grown siblings, the Rabbi that married me and my ex-husband, any insurance salesman and Congressman Todd Akin
Neil Armstrong's Passing the Death of an American Dream
When Neil Armstrong became the first man to land on the moon and said, "This is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," he believed in those words wholeheartedly, and he became an American icon who inspired a nation to believe there was no dream too far-fetched or impossible to achieve.
As a child, I recall my father and mother telling my siblings and I that anything was possible so long as we were willing to work hard enough and believe in what inspired us, and that there was no such thing as failure.
This was the era and the America that I grew up in. We ate dinner each night together as a family, followed by gathering in the living room to watch Walter Cronkite say, "And that's the way it was."
And even though we were confused about 'what it was' that was going on in a country mired in anti-war and civil rights protests, the women's movement and social change that cannot be equaled by any other decade, we did care and we were involved.
My parents worked hard and never complained, and instead kept an even keel and positive yet passionately-charged attitude about the struggles we faced as a family and as a culture.
As far as us kids, we all did a lot of chores, went to school, got jobs as soon as we were able, put ourselves through college, respected our elders and educators, and learned that respect was something to be earned, not simply given as a national birth right.
As a matter of fact, I knew from an early age that I would have to earn everything in life that was worth earning, and that nothing I was given freely was worth keeping for long.
Neil Armstrong landed on the moon when America needed it most.
As a country that was built and forged by sentimental and eternal optimists, we were-- as a nation-- beginning to lose faith in the dreams of our fathers and mothers while we witnessed far too many assassinations of loved leaders and deaths of young soldiers for a war no one understood or could fathom.
Perhaps it was even selfish, some of us thought, to pay any attention at all to a seemingly impossible and frivolous dream such as landing on the moon.
Besides, the moon was both a physical and fantasy-laden dream that seemed so very far away and out of reach. But that is precisely why 'the landing on the moon' came at such an integral time; at a time when our very nation's emotional stability also seemed somehow forever out of reach.
With a continuance of bad news on the home front wherein we all had to keep bearing up emotionally and physically at all odds, how could we even spend our precious time wondering if there was anything worth visiting other than the Earth that we clearly did not even understand?
But it did happen, and Armstrong's simple and yet profound words reminded us all once again that we were still a nation of believers, dreamers and go-getters like no other.
As a nation enthralled in a storm of a nasty, dirt-fought presidential election wherein political campaigns, special-interest group tyrants and public relation machines attempt us to distract us with issues they think we should pay attention to rather than what we need, Armstrong's life and achievements remind us of the America that we used to inhabit and hopefully will continue to strive to be and stand for.
As the parent of young children, I refuse to give up on our country as I have the supreme responsibility to allow them the same American dream and unmatched principles of idealism that I had.
This means that I attempt to echo the words of my father, of his father and of my great grandfather who taught each generation afterwards the sentiment of American writer and philosopher Mark Twain who once said, "Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often."
This is now what I teach to my own daughters who speak often but thankfully choose their words carefully and their actions even more so.
My unapologetic hope for this country is that we have not given up on what is dream-able and that there are more Neil Armstrong's who will come along and show us the way to new frontiers in the most "out-of-this world" manner.
Mr. Armstrong, as a member of mankind, I am forever beholden to your adventuresome and unbridled spirit.
As a mother, I am honored that I may tell your story to my own children who will benefit from your being able to live out an amazing dream that will inspire them to live out their own dreams as well.
And as an American, I salute you with my entire heart and being and know full-well that you epitomize what is truly still great about this nation . . . that unbeaten combination of a natural sense of wonderment, eternal optimism and the hard work that it takes to see a dream through to fruition.
I only hope the America that 'we once were' is one we can still attain and come close to being once again . . .
Not just for the sake of nationalism or power, but because our founding fathers and the ones who followed knew a thing or two about how to form and maintain an unmatched country built upon one single principle . . . that as individuals we can achieve anything if we only set our minds to it and work hard enough.
May you Rest in Peace Neil Armstrong.
This country mourns your loss greatly in ways we could not have foreseen.
As a child, I recall my father and mother telling my siblings and I that anything was possible so long as we were willing to work hard enough and believe in what inspired us, and that there was no such thing as failure.
This was the era and the America that I grew up in. We ate dinner each night together as a family, followed by gathering in the living room to watch Walter Cronkite say, "And that's the way it was."
And even though we were confused about 'what it was' that was going on in a country mired in anti-war and civil rights protests, the women's movement and social change that cannot be equaled by any other decade, we did care and we were involved.
My parents worked hard and never complained, and instead kept an even keel and positive yet passionately-charged attitude about the struggles we faced as a family and as a culture.
As far as us kids, we all did a lot of chores, went to school, got jobs as soon as we were able, put ourselves through college, respected our elders and educators, and learned that respect was something to be earned, not simply given as a national birth right.
As a matter of fact, I knew from an early age that I would have to earn everything in life that was worth earning, and that nothing I was given freely was worth keeping for long.
Neil Armstrong landed on the moon when America needed it most.
As a country that was built and forged by sentimental and eternal optimists, we were-- as a nation-- beginning to lose faith in the dreams of our fathers and mothers while we witnessed far too many assassinations of loved leaders and deaths of young soldiers for a war no one understood or could fathom.
Perhaps it was even selfish, some of us thought, to pay any attention at all to a seemingly impossible and frivolous dream such as landing on the moon.
Besides, the moon was both a physical and fantasy-laden dream that seemed so very far away and out of reach. But that is precisely why 'the landing on the moon' came at such an integral time; at a time when our very nation's emotional stability also seemed somehow forever out of reach.
With a continuance of bad news on the home front wherein we all had to keep bearing up emotionally and physically at all odds, how could we even spend our precious time wondering if there was anything worth visiting other than the Earth that we clearly did not even understand?
But it did happen, and Armstrong's simple and yet profound words reminded us all once again that we were still a nation of believers, dreamers and go-getters like no other.
As a nation enthralled in a storm of a nasty, dirt-fought presidential election wherein political campaigns, special-interest group tyrants and public relation machines attempt us to distract us with issues they think we should pay attention to rather than what we need, Armstrong's life and achievements remind us of the America that we used to inhabit and hopefully will continue to strive to be and stand for.
As the parent of young children, I refuse to give up on our country as I have the supreme responsibility to allow them the same American dream and unmatched principles of idealism that I had.
This means that I attempt to echo the words of my father, of his father and of my great grandfather who taught each generation afterwards the sentiment of American writer and philosopher Mark Twain who once said, "Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often."
This is now what I teach to my own daughters who speak often but thankfully choose their words carefully and their actions even more so.
My unapologetic hope for this country is that we have not given up on what is dream-able and that there are more Neil Armstrong's who will come along and show us the way to new frontiers in the most "out-of-this world" manner.
Mr. Armstrong, as a member of mankind, I am forever beholden to your adventuresome and unbridled spirit.
As a mother, I am honored that I may tell your story to my own children who will benefit from your being able to live out an amazing dream that will inspire them to live out their own dreams as well.
And as an American, I salute you with my entire heart and being and know full-well that you epitomize what is truly still great about this nation . . . that unbeaten combination of a natural sense of wonderment, eternal optimism and the hard work that it takes to see a dream through to fruition.
I only hope the America that 'we once were' is one we can still attain and come close to being once again . . .
Not just for the sake of nationalism or power, but because our founding fathers and the ones who followed knew a thing or two about how to form and maintain an unmatched country built upon one single principle . . . that as individuals we can achieve anything if we only set our minds to it and work hard enough.
May you Rest in Peace Neil Armstrong.
This country mourns your loss greatly in ways we could not have foreseen.
"Shut Down" my own Pregnancies? No Fat Chance
As a woman and mother, there are a lot of things I wish I had the power to to "shut down" simply with my so-called female powers.
But pregnancy?
That would Akin to "wanting" to be able to shut down my female abilities to enjoy sex without the goal of pregnancy each and every time I engaged in it.
Yes my friends in the Republican party, women do the dirty deed not just because we want to reproduce.
Say it isn't so all that you want, but if I may dare speak for most women in the world, we take the issue of our own sexuality, reproductive rights and even our powers to be able to "shut things down" very seriously.
This means that we are not sluts when we choose to use contraception as Mr. Limbaugh famously pointed out this year.
It also means that we are not able to magically shut down the reproductive parts of our bodies during any form of sex.
This pertains to willing sexual activity or from rape, which contrary to the Republican party, I believe all of which can be identified in part as "forcible."
As a modern woman who was married when I had my children by choice, I know that in the couple of years I was engaged during college that I was not emotionally, financially or physically ready to be a mother.
And it is precisely because I waited and wanted to be a mother that makes me such a good and responsible one.
When I talk to my middle school age daughters, I tell them that their bodies are their own and that it is their responsibility to treat themselves with the highest degree of respect and protection, or no one else will.
The comments made by the Congressman, whom I will not name as I do not wish to make him a famous media icon any more than I would the killers at the Movie Theater or Sikh Temple are morally reprehensible, irresponsible and most of all, dangerous.
Unfortunately, rape does not seem to be a recent fad that is going away any time soon.
It is a violent act that from the beginning of time has defiled women, men and children and will sadly, most likely continue to be a grotesque fact and reality of our human community.
But what does not have to continue and what I can shut down and speak up about is asinine, hateful and ignorant commentary that only endangers innocent victims even more.
Because I have daughters and I am a woman myself, forgive me if this issue invigorates a lot more passion and anger than an elderly male who has never had to think about whether or not he himself would or should ever carry a human life in his body to term.
It is a heinous enough experience alone to be raped, but to be forced to follow through with an unwanted pregnancy due to rape is an unbelievable further cruelty and crime to the victim.
I bring this up because there are many in the GOP who seriously believe that abortion should be illegal even in the case of rape and the incest of children.
Frankly, the whole issue of rape, abortion and reproductive rights is much more than one that will simply widen the gender gap and who we will vote for in the 2012 Presidential Election.
Much of the media debates in print and on television includes the extremism on both sides of the fence that makes a caricature of the whole issue.
While intelligent women like Attorney Gloria Allred make perfect sense and speaks on this particular issue from a personal experience as she herself had an abortion after being raped and almost died as it was "illegal" at the time; sadly, commentators like her don't help.
Voters look at talking heads and politicians who regularly flood the media as near clowns they quickly choose to shut down-- which causes many viewers to feel desensitized to this issue at the end of the day.
Just as dangerous as the aforementioned points, this inflammatory issue is also serving as a major distraction from many of the concerns which will actually affect women's lives even more.
These include the economy, education, healthcare and a whole host of other major issues that women are deeply concerned with for themselves and their families.
Sorry to say, but women are more than used to men putting their feet in their mouths, among other things they give no thought to or are apparently able to shut down in any manner.
In my case however, I will not be able to merely shut down any future pregnancies because my body will know when it it is either being raped or loved.
However, I can "knowingly" attempt to shut down hateful, derogatory and stupid commentary made by hypocritical political buffoons.
But pregnancy?
That would Akin to "wanting" to be able to shut down my female abilities to enjoy sex without the goal of pregnancy each and every time I engaged in it.
Yes my friends in the Republican party, women do the dirty deed not just because we want to reproduce.
Say it isn't so all that you want, but if I may dare speak for most women in the world, we take the issue of our own sexuality, reproductive rights and even our powers to be able to "shut things down" very seriously.
This means that we are not sluts when we choose to use contraception as Mr. Limbaugh famously pointed out this year.
It also means that we are not able to magically shut down the reproductive parts of our bodies during any form of sex.
This pertains to willing sexual activity or from rape, which contrary to the Republican party, I believe all of which can be identified in part as "forcible."
As a modern woman who was married when I had my children by choice, I know that in the couple of years I was engaged during college that I was not emotionally, financially or physically ready to be a mother.
And it is precisely because I waited and wanted to be a mother that makes me such a good and responsible one.
When I talk to my middle school age daughters, I tell them that their bodies are their own and that it is their responsibility to treat themselves with the highest degree of respect and protection, or no one else will.
The comments made by the Congressman, whom I will not name as I do not wish to make him a famous media icon any more than I would the killers at the Movie Theater or Sikh Temple are morally reprehensible, irresponsible and most of all, dangerous.
Unfortunately, rape does not seem to be a recent fad that is going away any time soon.
It is a violent act that from the beginning of time has defiled women, men and children and will sadly, most likely continue to be a grotesque fact and reality of our human community.
But what does not have to continue and what I can shut down and speak up about is asinine, hateful and ignorant commentary that only endangers innocent victims even more.
Because I have daughters and I am a woman myself, forgive me if this issue invigorates a lot more passion and anger than an elderly male who has never had to think about whether or not he himself would or should ever carry a human life in his body to term.
It is a heinous enough experience alone to be raped, but to be forced to follow through with an unwanted pregnancy due to rape is an unbelievable further cruelty and crime to the victim.
I bring this up because there are many in the GOP who seriously believe that abortion should be illegal even in the case of rape and the incest of children.
Frankly, the whole issue of rape, abortion and reproductive rights is much more than one that will simply widen the gender gap and who we will vote for in the 2012 Presidential Election.
Much of the media debates in print and on television includes the extremism on both sides of the fence that makes a caricature of the whole issue.
While intelligent women like Attorney Gloria Allred make perfect sense and speaks on this particular issue from a personal experience as she herself had an abortion after being raped and almost died as it was "illegal" at the time; sadly, commentators like her don't help.
Voters look at talking heads and politicians who regularly flood the media as near clowns they quickly choose to shut down-- which causes many viewers to feel desensitized to this issue at the end of the day.
Just as dangerous as the aforementioned points, this inflammatory issue is also serving as a major distraction from many of the concerns which will actually affect women's lives even more.
These include the economy, education, healthcare and a whole host of other major issues that women are deeply concerned with for themselves and their families.
Sorry to say, but women are more than used to men putting their feet in their mouths, among other things they give no thought to or are apparently able to shut down in any manner.
In my case however, I will not be able to merely shut down any future pregnancies because my body will know when it it is either being raped or loved.
However, I can "knowingly" attempt to shut down hateful, derogatory and stupid commentary made by hypocritical political buffoons.
Phyllis Diller Inspired Me to be a Female Comedian
As a young girl I will never forget the first time I saw Phyllis Diller on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I actually said out loud to my father as he drank his second martini, "Look dad, she's just like me!"
Imagine that, I thought . . . a wacky female comedian doing standup on Carson, who was just as funny if not funnier than my favorites; among them Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen, George Carlin, Buddy Hackett, Henny Youngman, Jack Benny and Bob Hope.
Sure, there were incomparable female comics like Lucille Ball, Mae West and Carol Burnett, but these were women doing television shows and films that were largely scripted even though they were natural comic geniuses. I absolutely adored them and my dear ma' claims I watched them all day from my playpen as my babysitter on our big black and white T.V. in the good old days before five thousand un-funny cable stations.
As a kid who was often made fun of for being part-Asian in an all-Jewish neighborhood with a Japanese mother and Jewish father in Los Angeles, let's just say that I learned to make jokes about myself early on before the other kids could. I also made some pretty funny jokes about other people as well-- but always without being mean to other people for humor's sake.
And that's what I loved about Phyllis Diller. She was funny without resorting to mean jokes and was as self deprecating and ridiculous as any male comedian. She once said, "You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone."
She was the first chick who proved that standup comedy could be done just as well as a man. When I watched her, I knew I found my calling, and that if a women who looked and talked like her could end up on Carson and make people laugh until they cried, then so could I, although sadly the great Johnny Carson is gone so I missed that boat.
The thing about Phyllis is that you started laughing the second she walked out on stage. This was partly due to her physical appearance alone. By the way, she was actually quite beautiful if you got past the outright silliness and outlandish get-ups.
She wore the most over-the-top outfits that resembled something out of a drag queen or crazy aunt's closet. And that hair! That crazy, bleached-blonde hair that was teased like the tackiest housewife you could imagine was fabulously great.
She also wore big hats topped with ostrich feathers, wildly colored sheath dresses and skinny pants while holding and occasionally taking a drag off a long cigarette holder . . . so politically incorrect today but still just as funny precisely so.
And that laugh! Just hearing her laugh made me laugh and everyone else who heard that wonderful sound. She was strangely absolutely genuine and yet believable in her ridiculous state, and I adored her each and every time I saw her.
But more than all of that amazing off-the-wall seeming pomp and circumstance were her jokes about being a woman and a married housewife.
We had all heard all of the great male comics make fun of their wives and their marriages for what seemed like forever, and then Diller finally came along and did it as well if not better as a woman.
While some of the greatest one-liner jokes of all time about women and marriage include the following by male comedians:
Rodney Dangerfield
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me."
Groucho Marx
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do."
Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere I go. The problem is, she always finds her way back."
Woody Allen
"The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty"
Alright, I know those are darn funny, and there are a lot more where those came from, but just take a look at some of these one-liners that Phyllis Diller came up with:
"Burt Reynolds asked me out once. I was in his room."
"A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once."
"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."
"For Fang, (her husband), getting out of bed is a career move."
"What I don't like about Christmas office parties is looking for a job the next day."
"You know your old when your walker has an airbag."
Are you laughing now?
If you're too young to remember her or have never watched her, do yourself and me a favor and look her up on YouTube on some of the old Tonight Shows and anywhere else you have the privilege of finding her.
As for me, I will continue to make fun of myself daily which is actually quite easy.
I am after all a Double Jap- (half Japanese and Half Jewish), twice- divorced woman and mother who was married first to a guilt-ridden Catholic surfer who refused to get a job, and second to a guilty Jewish computer genus workaholic who was afraid of therapy because his whole family were hypochondriac psychoanalysts.
My childhood involved being raised by left wing socialist parents. My father is a neurotic Russian Jewish artist and University Professor and my mother a Japanese Buddhist fashion designer who claims that the only answer to happiness is being well dressed while simultaneously steaming her face over a rice cooker.
My confused childhood can be best summed by the following two quotes I heard continuously as a child.
The first from a Japanese Emperor, "Generally speaking, the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death."
The second from Woody Allen, "It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
You see? I couldn't win.
So Phyllis, with your parting I can speak for many of the female standup comics who came after you and were inspired by your incredible energy, zest for life style and general funny bone that tickled us all . . . including greats like Joan Rivers, Rosanne Barr, Joy Behar, Kathy Griffin, Tina Fey, Wanda Sykes, Rita Rudner, Kristen Wigg and many others.
And of course, there is me as I will continue to be inspired by your unmatched sense of humor, witty sense of style and oddly classic funny charm.
I'll leave you with one of my favorites by the one and only Phyllis Diller:
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age because as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
Originally published for Open Salon, Editor's Pick
Imagine that, I thought . . . a wacky female comedian doing standup on Carson, who was just as funny if not funnier than my favorites; among them Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen, George Carlin, Buddy Hackett, Henny Youngman, Jack Benny and Bob Hope.
Sure, there were incomparable female comics like Lucille Ball, Mae West and Carol Burnett, but these were women doing television shows and films that were largely scripted even though they were natural comic geniuses. I absolutely adored them and my dear ma' claims I watched them all day from my playpen as my babysitter on our big black and white T.V. in the good old days before five thousand un-funny cable stations.
As a kid who was often made fun of for being part-Asian in an all-Jewish neighborhood with a Japanese mother and Jewish father in Los Angeles, let's just say that I learned to make jokes about myself early on before the other kids could. I also made some pretty funny jokes about other people as well-- but always without being mean to other people for humor's sake.
And that's what I loved about Phyllis Diller. She was funny without resorting to mean jokes and was as self deprecating and ridiculous as any male comedian. She once said, "You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone."
She was the first chick who proved that standup comedy could be done just as well as a man. When I watched her, I knew I found my calling, and that if a women who looked and talked like her could end up on Carson and make people laugh until they cried, then so could I, although sadly the great Johnny Carson is gone so I missed that boat.
The thing about Phyllis is that you started laughing the second she walked out on stage. This was partly due to her physical appearance alone. By the way, she was actually quite beautiful if you got past the outright silliness and outlandish get-ups.
She wore the most over-the-top outfits that resembled something out of a drag queen or crazy aunt's closet. And that hair! That crazy, bleached-blonde hair that was teased like the tackiest housewife you could imagine was fabulously great.
She also wore big hats topped with ostrich feathers, wildly colored sheath dresses and skinny pants while holding and occasionally taking a drag off a long cigarette holder . . . so politically incorrect today but still just as funny precisely so.
And that laugh! Just hearing her laugh made me laugh and everyone else who heard that wonderful sound. She was strangely absolutely genuine and yet believable in her ridiculous state, and I adored her each and every time I saw her.
But more than all of that amazing off-the-wall seeming pomp and circumstance were her jokes about being a woman and a married housewife.
We had all heard all of the great male comics make fun of their wives and their marriages for what seemed like forever, and then Diller finally came along and did it as well if not better as a woman.
While some of the greatest one-liner jokes of all time about women and marriage include the following by male comedians:
Rodney Dangerfield
"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me."
Groucho Marx
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do."
Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere I go. The problem is, she always finds her way back."
Woody Allen
"The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty"
Alright, I know those are darn funny, and there are a lot more where those came from, but just take a look at some of these one-liners that Phyllis Diller came up with:
"Burt Reynolds asked me out once. I was in his room."
"A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once."
"I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away."
"For Fang, (her husband), getting out of bed is a career move."
"What I don't like about Christmas office parties is looking for a job the next day."
"You know your old when your walker has an airbag."
Are you laughing now?
If you're too young to remember her or have never watched her, do yourself and me a favor and look her up on YouTube on some of the old Tonight Shows and anywhere else you have the privilege of finding her.
As for me, I will continue to make fun of myself daily which is actually quite easy.
I am after all a Double Jap- (half Japanese and Half Jewish), twice- divorced woman and mother who was married first to a guilt-ridden Catholic surfer who refused to get a job, and second to a guilty Jewish computer genus workaholic who was afraid of therapy because his whole family were hypochondriac psychoanalysts.
My childhood involved being raised by left wing socialist parents. My father is a neurotic Russian Jewish artist and University Professor and my mother a Japanese Buddhist fashion designer who claims that the only answer to happiness is being well dressed while simultaneously steaming her face over a rice cooker.
My confused childhood can be best summed by the following two quotes I heard continuously as a child.
The first from a Japanese Emperor, "Generally speaking, the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death."
The second from Woody Allen, "It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
You see? I couldn't win.
So Phyllis, with your parting I can speak for many of the female standup comics who came after you and were inspired by your incredible energy, zest for life style and general funny bone that tickled us all . . . including greats like Joan Rivers, Rosanne Barr, Joy Behar, Kathy Griffin, Tina Fey, Wanda Sykes, Rita Rudner, Kristen Wigg and many others.
And of course, there is me as I will continue to be inspired by your unmatched sense of humor, witty sense of style and oddly classic funny charm.
I'll leave you with one of my favorites by the one and only Phyllis Diller:
"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age because as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."
Originally published for Open Salon, Editor's Pick
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